Archive for the Critiques comiques Category

Critiques comiques: Armageddon Monks – « Armageddon Monks »

Posted in Critiques comiques on septembre 28, 2011 by johnnylebrun666

– « Just what we need to set off the column [Firing Squad] this month – a TARGET! These Monk chimps puke date-friendly hard rock with a nü-metal tinge, shrouded in a totally thrash-looking package. They really suck; I mean, I not only want this band to break up now, I want to serve them a petition to fuck off, signed by all of this meager column’s readers. Think Poison meeets Stained sucking the balls of commercial radio and using metal as a carrier pigeon for their disease. This is easily the worst thing to have raped my eardrums in dog’s age. When the true Armageddon hits, we’ll eat them first. »

– Dave Brenner, Metal Maniacs, August 2008, Vol. 25, No. 6, p. 86

Critiques comiques: Bathory – « Octagon »

Posted in Critiques comiques on août 29, 2011 by johnnylebrun666

– « This is truly terrible. Mostly due to the fact Quorthon can’t produce a CD to save his life, I can’t believe that Black Mark puts out brilliant material by Dan Swano, then turns around and releases tripe like this shit. For example, the snare sound is really annoying. Imagine HELMET’s snare sound, a thousand times louder, then bury the already dull vocals, and then mix the guitars and bass through mud and you got Q’s production skills. This sucks. Although, I see the lyrics are moving forward in some areas like in the songs « Born To Die » and « Century ». I guess Bathory were a little upset with LENNY KRAVITZ when his version of « Deuce » was chosen for the KISS tribute CD « Kiss My Ass ». They put their version on here. Don’t feel bad guys, you can kiss my ass. This sucks (Again). »

– Brad Mitchell, Skull Session, Issue Number Thirty-Three, p. 29

Critiques comiques: Bad Acid Trip – « Lynch The Weirdo »

Posted in Critiques comiques on juillet 27, 2011 by johnnylebrun666

– « It’s too bad that « Worst Albums Of The Year » lists don’t get created, passed around, studied and debated with as much fervor as « Best Album Of The Year » rankings. Well, it may not be all that great for California’s Bad Acid Trip because Lynch The Weirdo would probably top that list before easily garnering preliminary nominations for worst album of the decade. What makes this album such a lose-lose proposition?

No, it has nothing to do with the band being signed to Serjical Strike, the label banked by Serj Tankian of nu-metal (?) infidels System Of A Down. That would be shallow and unfair. Truth is, simply, this is bad with a capital B-A-D. From the outside looking in, Bad Acid Trip attempts to be an esoteric and comedic grind/noisecore unit of street-savvy, DIY warriors whose goal is to use their poor stabs at Three One G-ish musical chaos in order to liberate humanity from its tunnel vision while having a few chuckles along the way. Of course, someone forgot to point out that no one is going to care about what a band that sounds as if Gwar possessed and crushed the spirit of The Locust and combined the resulting mess with the likes of of Intense Mutilation and A.C. has to say. Especially when the result is a heartless, soulless, cut-and-paste din that makes Lawnmower Deth look like fusion musicians and, overall, is about as funny as owning property in downtown Baghdad. »

– Kevin Stewart-Panko, Metal Maniacs, November 2004, Vol. 21, No. 9, p. 88

Critiques comiques: Chainsaw – « Smell the Saw »

Posted in Critiques comiques on juillet 10, 2011 by johnnylebrun666

«De la bonne vieille musique de froc de cuir! Des chaînes, des bracelets de studs, des gilets de Spinal Tap, des bicycles à gazoline pis… des scies mécaniques. Chainsaw est le genre de groupe qu’on ne sait pas si on doit les prendre au sérieux ou non. Dans la même veine que les Guillotine, Cranium, Desekrator et compagnie, ils rendent, à leur façon, hommage au bon vieux thrash metal. On dirait qu’ils s’habillent direct chez le diable! Le dépliant est garni d’une pléiade de photos qui n’ont pas de sens, mais qui fittent très bien avec la musique, et les paroles… Ça donne le goût d’aller se faire tatouer une tête de mort pis des serpents.  Let’s fuck and die on the road 666! »

– Richard Metal, Sang Frais, Numéro 16, Hiver 2005, p. 35

Critiques comiques: Everdark – « Not Of God »

Posted in Critiques comiques on juin 20, 2011 by johnnylebrun666

– « Listen as Americanos Everdark fall on their faces as they attempt to fuse North American death metal with black metal. A lamebrain concoction that sounds so belaboured. Almost untrue. About as mystic as a turban on Johnny Carson’s head, the lyrical content borders on silliness (prime example – ‘Within My Chlling Grasp’). A load of crap probably produced by a vast consumption of prune juice the night before. »

– Peter Banitsiotis, Brave Words And Bloody Knuckles, # 20, November/December 1997, p. 38.

Critiques comiques: Cathedral – « Supernatural Birth Machine »

Posted in Critiques comiques on juin 5, 2011 by johnnylebrun666

– «There was a time when seventies rock actually had something to offer. That time was called the seventies. I don’t have a problem with bands playing an older style, but the music at least has to be well played – a characteristic that is sorely lacking from Cathedral’s latest offering. Many of the guitar riffs sound alarmingly similar and the album has a tendency to drag it’s [sic] heels ruining the effect of the occasionally good song. Boring hard rock with some psychedelic qualities and a tunelessly medodramatic [sic] vocal delivery by Lee Dorrian ensure any shade of of excitement flees the premises like a drunk running out of the liquor store with a mickey down his pants. »

– Tate Bengtsen, The Sepulchral Voice, 1996?, p. 27

Critiques comiques: Sharon – « Edge Of Time »

Posted in Critiques comiques on mai 11, 2011 by johnnylebrun666

– « In clearing shelves for inventory, SPV apparently discovered this leftover from the ’80s. What? It’s a brand new release?!? Can’t be! At their best, Sharon are emasculated American hard rock, a la Bon Jovi, or the Canadian cousin, White Wolf, except for the saccharin piano love ballads « Can You Remember » and « Take It Or Leave It » which tread Bryan Adams territory. Sure, they probably get laid more often than other bands reviewed here, but let’s kill this sanitized, radio friendly metal-lite trend in its tracks, before it even gets started. »

– Mark Gromen, Brave Words And Bloody Knuckles, # 43, September 2000, p. 50